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inaTTenTion To THe environmenT An attentive discussion around other people may not be possible. For instance, in a hospital setting, family members may want to speak for the talker or medical personnel may come in. How to Avoid: In order for active listening to occur, there need to be conversation boundaries and minimal distractions. Asking for one-on-one time might solve this. inaTTenTion To your own emoTional availaBiliTy The listener might not be in an emotional position to be in listening mode. For instance, if the listener has just had a confrontation with someone else, he or she might be agitated. How to Avoid: The listener must be aware of his or her own whole-person health before offering care to another. Consider debriefing with a trusted person before meeting with the talker. w Adapted from Building Up the Body of Christ: Supporting Community Life in the Church, pages 74–76 © 2016 Bruce M. Hartung. Published by Concordia Publishing House. Lutheran Life 9 Listening is essential to make any other communication skill work. But there are many things that get in the way. Here are some common stumbling blocks and how they can be avoided. Too many informaTion-GaTHerinG QuesTions Several information-gathering questions, one right after another, put the questioner in a position of control and place the impetus of the conversation squarely on the questioner. How to Avoid: Early general questions, such as "Please tell me how you are doing," are invitations to talk about substantive matters the talker wants or needs to discuss. TellinG a parallel sTory While this kind of response might seem like an empathic one, especially in the early stages of the conversation it turns the attention from the talker to the listener. How to Avoid: Place full attention on the experience and context of the talker and seek to understand the talker's experience by focusing on how the talker is feeling. advice Too early Focusing on the first concern and attempting to give advice can stop further exploration into areas that may be more central. Additionally, sometimes people just want to be heard and understood. How to Avoid: Often neither the presenting issue nor the first statements concerning what is happening are really driving the concern. Attention to underlying or seemingly background concerns is critical.

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